Doin' time at the kids' table...

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who like sitting at the kids' table and people who want to sit at the grown-ups' table.

I'm a kids' table person. I love it there. I never wanted to leave it and, in most cases, don't. The grown-up table is so boring. You have to sit properly and eat nicely and behave... Where's the fun in that? Sure, you get alcohol, if they're serving, but you can grab a glass on your way to the other table. And I'm not much of a wine person anyway.

One year, my uncle and I fought over a seat at the kiddie table. We made one of the kids go sit at the grown-up table because neither of us would give in. The kid-- one of my many cousins-- was thrilled until about 20 minutes into the meal. But, by then, it was mostly over and she just had to suck it up. To this day, she sits at the kiddie table. She learned her lesson the hard way, no one wants to sit there. Not really. We make the kids go to the grown-up table.

Because we can.